Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that makes someone doubt their own memory, perceptions, and sense of reality. It’s often present in unhealthy relationships, and it can severely affect mental health, sometimes contributing to or worsening substance use.
What Is Gaslighting?
At its core, gaslighting is about making a person question their reality: denying facts, framing someone as “too sensitive,” or distorting the truth to cause confusion and insecurity. It tends to work gradually, which is part of why it’s hard to recognize until real damage has already been done.
Signs You’re Being Gaslighted
- You constantly doubt yourself. Hearing things like “you’re remembering it wrong” or “that never happened.”
- You feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Your reactions get labeled as “too sensitive” or “disproportionate.”
- You feel confused or unsettled. Facts get distorted, words get twisted, and alternate versions of events get presented as truth.
- They deny things they’ve said or done. Even with clear evidence, it gets dismissed as unimportant.
- They project their faults onto you. Blame shifts to make you feel responsible for their actions.
- They isolate you from others. Cutting you off from friends and family so they become your main source of “truth.”
- You feel like you’re losing your grip. Questioning your own sanity even when your feelings are justified.
Where the Term Comes From
The word comes from a 1938 play, Gas Light, later adapted into films, in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her perception of reality by subtly altering their environment, like dimming the gas lights, and insisting she’s imagining it.
What Causes People to Gaslight
Often a need for control. Contributing factors can include insecurity, past trauma that’s being replicated, or a learned pattern for managing conflict.
The Connection to Substance Use
The confusion, self-doubt, and isolation that come from being gaslighted can lead to anxiety, depression, and emotional trauma, and some people turn to alcohol or drugs to cope. Substance use can then worsen the situation further, since it can leave someone more vulnerable to being manipulated. Trauma therapy and dual diagnosis treatment both address this kind of overlap directly, treating the underlying trauma and the substance use together.
Steps Toward Breaking Free
- Acknowledge the manipulation. Your feelings are valid, and the manipulation isn’t your fault.
- Seek professional help. A trauma-informed therapist can help untangle what’s happened.
- Rebuild a support network. Reconnect with people who validate your experience.
- Address the substance use, if it’s there too. Dual diagnosis treatment treats the trauma and the substance use as connected, not separate problems.
Gaslighting Beyond Personal Relationships
It shows up in workplaces too: a colleague or manager denying agreements, taking credit for others’ work, or shifting blame in ways that erode morale and mental health. It also shows up more broadly in media or public discourse, where facts get distorted or people’s experiences get dismissed.
Getting Help
Recognizing the pattern is the hardest part. If gaslighting, trauma, or substance use is part of what you’re dealing with, Greater Boston Addiction Centers offers confidential conversations about what support could look like. Call (877) 920-6583, or verify your insurance online.
Frequently asked questions
What is gaslighting?
A pattern of psychological manipulation aimed at making someone question their own reality: denying facts, dismissing feelings as overreactions, or distorting the truth to cause confusion and self-doubt.
Where does the term come from?
A 1938 play called Gas Light, later adapted into films, in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her perception of reality.
How does gaslighting affect people emotionally?
Confusion, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and a loss of confidence in your own thoughts and experiences.
How is gaslighting connected to substance use?
The confusion, isolation, and anxiety it causes can lead some people to use alcohol or drugs to cope, which can then be exploited by the person doing the gaslighting for more control.
Can gaslighting happen outside of relationships?
Yes. It shows up in workplaces, where someone might deny agreements or shift blame, and in broader social or media contexts where facts get distorted or dismissed.
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Clinically reviewed by Nikolas R. Protasenia, LMHC, LPC This article is for general information and isn't a substitute for advice from your own clinician.